ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
![Luminissel [C]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/feac120a-4482-4a91-9cee-fce7fbde0dbe/dcd1vs8-5d0845c5-700c-441d-b838-68d3ef6257f5.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_29,y_0,scl_0.12777777777778,q_70,strp/luminissel__c__by_astri_lohne_dcd1vs8-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9OTc4IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvZmVhYzEyMGEtNDQ4Mi00YTkxLTljZWUtZmNlN2ZiZGUwZGJlXC9kY2QxdnM4LTVkMDg0NWM1LTcwMGMtNDQxZC1iODM4LTY4ZDNlZjYyNTdmNS5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTYwMCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19._u_WUJL2yh8IGBEh3KInS5JO0LdkBSvZ1udRtbIcVRo)
![Luminissel [C]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/feac120a-4482-4a91-9cee-fce7fbde0dbe/dcd1vs8-5d0845c5-700c-441d-b838-68d3ef6257f5.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_15,y_0,scl_0.063888888888889,q_70,strp/luminissel__c__by_astri_lohne_dcd1vs8-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9OTc4IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvZmVhYzEyMGEtNDQ4Mi00YTkxLTljZWUtZmNlN2ZiZGUwZGJlXC9kY2QxdnM4LTVkMDg0NWM1LTcwMGMtNDQxZC1iODM4LTY4ZDNlZjYyNTdmNS5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTYwMCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19._u_WUJL2yh8IGBEh3KInS5JO0LdkBSvZ1udRtbIcVRo)
![Fel Scryer [C]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/feac120a-4482-4a91-9cee-fce7fbde0dbe/db2likb-6604488f-a55b-48ac-8b40-6f00c78a9cf0.jpg/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_24,scl_0.095833333333333,q_70,strp/fel_scryer__c__by_astri_lohne_db2likb-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTkzNyIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2ZlYWMxMjBhLTQ0ODItNGE5MS05Y2VlLWZjZTdmYmRlMGRiZVwvZGIybGlrYi02NjA0NDg4Zi1hNTViLTQ4YWMtOGI0MC02ZjAwYzc4YTljZjAuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.KP9MQO3Vj9ha8EJ2yglPcHiW2FNzWycv5yPdCVQGcBI)
![Fel Scryer [C]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/feac120a-4482-4a91-9cee-fce7fbde0dbe/db2likb-6604488f-a55b-48ac-8b40-6f00c78a9cf0.jpg/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_12,scl_0.047916666666667,q_70,strp/fel_scryer__c__by_astri_lohne_db2likb-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTkzNyIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2ZlYWMxMjBhLTQ0ODItNGE5MS05Y2VlLWZjZTdmYmRlMGRiZVwvZGIybGlrYi02NjA0NDg4Zi1hNTViLTQ4YWMtOGI0MC02ZjAwYzc4YTljZjAuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.KP9MQO3Vj9ha8EJ2yglPcHiW2FNzWycv5yPdCVQGcBI)
Description
I have this is as a Journal but no one really looks my Journals! So I decided to put this up as a submission with her picture especially since I just want everyone to know this amazing dog that will always be in my heart. When she was really sick I did take in consideration she might not live for so long but it hurts that she's gone so soon at nearly 11 years old. It still hurts. I was hoping she'd bounce back after taking her to the vet and getting medications for her but God was ready for her to come back in heaven. This is an younger pic of her before she had full blown Cushin's disease.
------
My dog Peanut died Sunday afternoon, August, 24 2014. Its been dreadfully hard on me.
It was this year it was finally determined that she is diagnosed with Cushing's Disease. A disease where there's an over production of the cortisol hormone. The symptoms my dog has is excessive thirst and urination, potbelly, hair loss, and some muscle weakness. Before this year she was strong enough to climb up stairs and jump around. But these pass months she doesn't want to anymore. So that's fine, we pick her up. We know she's getting older. Plus her small legs and big belly. That's alot of weight to push. I started to notice more muscle loss in her rear end in the end of July and beginning of August, but my baby peanut still has so much energy. Eating almost anything outside that she can put in her mouth. And she still eating our other dog's food if she doesn't get caught.
However from late May and early June, she keeps having blood in her stool, and sometimes the most nasty diarrhea with blood in it. Constipation, and stomach pain and gas involved to. When I first saw it in the house, I worried. I worried so much because that is not good. When you google what causes bloody diarrhea, it could mean a bunch of scary things. So I wanted to take her to the vet. My family also saw this stuff. I told my aunt, the main one who pays her vet bills, we have to take her. Her bloody stool is going away. Unfortunately we didn't have enough money at the time to pay for her to go. So she has to wait.
As I research more about this problem, I sat down and think. When she goes outside she eats so much things like sticks, dirt, mulch. Its summer time. In the spring and winter, we has so much snow there was none of these things for her to get in her mouth. Its possible these sticks n mulch she's eating is tearing up her insides. The more I cleaned up her mess, the more I became frustrated. Are we going to wait too long before she can't get up? But I thought about it, the vet is very expensive. My aunt said she will take her so I decided to calm down. Still it troubles me. So far she's still her old self. But for how long?
One day maybe on the 19th of August or something, I was looking for Peanut through the house. I found her in my grandparent's room just laying down on her fours with her head down. Near her I saw a wet spot on the carpet. So I thought she peed. I went to clean it up and I saw it was brown. Now I know this isn't pee. So liquidy... did she vomit? I walked and told my grandma who was in kitchen. and peanut came out the room and laid back down. I wiped her mouth, and what came off was the same brown stuff. Ok so this made me worry even more. I know grandma didn't want to believe what it was. She thought it coulda been a tooth or whatever. But then I looked up what could brown liquid vomit mean. It could mean her stomach is causing problems or its backed up diarrhea or stool. Not good, bad signs. I was like shit.. if money is the issue let me pay for her. I'm not ready to lose my baby. And of course my grandma turned down the offer, my aunt was going to take care of it. So fine. I'm just so worried. Peanut's not eating anymore.
Next day, in the morning there was another brown liquid vomit? again. God this is not good. And she's still not eating and just acting real depressed, not wanting play. She mainly just laid down on her side. So then my aunt now was ready to take her to the vet. We took her to the vet Thursday the 21st after getting our hair done. I do not and still will not like who we have as vet. He tells us so much bullshit answers in the past. So we took her, he did a bunch of things. Importantly he xrayed her belly. Says the heart looks fine, lungs are good. Liver is big but that comes with the Cushin's. But down where her colon is, is inflamed. Basically he says its colitis. So he gave us some meds for it and some eye formula. Said to feed her rice and boiled chicken. Cool. I still didn't understand what is colitis he didn't explain (again bullshity vet). But I did my own research and colitis explains what has been happening to my baby peanut.
We been giving her the medication. I hope she was going to turn back around and feel better. Saturday I had to leave home and return back to my mom's house. The day I laid down with her for a moment, told her how much I love her and kissed her furry head. I rubbed her belly too.
Sunday the 24th I moved in back on campus, The day was ok except for my mom's stupid husband. But I was good. I met my new roommate. Then I started working on taking notes for my biochemistry class by listening to recorded lectures. Then my phone ringed. Its Grandma. I paused my lecture, and answered. She asked me how I was doing and all, if I met my roommate. I was pretty direct with my voice.. like I was just waiting for the real reason why she called. Then she told me 'enough about that I called to tell you some sad news that Peanut died a hour ago'. You know these things... these words do not hit you hard until after 3 minutes or something. At the same time I was texting my bf, and told him right after I heard this. After I got off the phone I broke down in tears. It was the hardest thing and a few hours later I called my mom. She tried to make me feel better trying to talk about other things and all. But honestly I didn't care about anything she was saying.
I lost my baby peanut. I won't be able to hear her bark, or hold her, or call out her name in crazy ways, or give her massages, or hear her snore, or see her anymore or hear her play with her squeaky toys or play with her. I always will miss everything about her. I took so much pictures of me and her during the last few weeks she was alive. God it hurts me as I even type all this. Life isn't going to be the same anymore without her. Its so fukkin sad. And my bf wishes he was here for me but you know long distance. I talked to a few people because I just couldn't stop feeling this way. Honestly I thought I could try to sleep that night. I fucking couldn't. Tears ran down my eyes and nose like rain. And that also caused me to have a big headache the whole night. I did not lie when I said I wasn't ready to lose her. I love this dog so much and I just wish she didn't have to go yet. I was hoping for 2 more years. But why god?
I don't feel like pretending I'm happy or smiling. I don't feel like saying I'm good when I know I don't have my peanut anymore. Memories flash before me. I know she had a good life... I was apart of it. But now she's gone. and my life just won't feel the same without her. Yea my family says everyone feels sad she's gone. Honestly I don't think it effected anyone as hard as it does me. I think everyone hates using past tense verbs (like was) when they have to talk about someone who means something to them so much after they pass away. I love her. She IS a good dog. Smart. Crazy. Playful. Loves kids. She IS about 11 years old. I still remember this dog diary I made when we first got her.
That night after I heard she passed away, I had a dream of her. It was like she revived and she was chowing down on the chicken we been trying to feed her for the past couple days. But as I was telling everyone in my family the dream that she came back and she's her old self again, noone was as happy as me. It was like they were telling me stop it, your dreaming.
The next night or two I had another dream of her. I saw her walking around the house and she layed down so sudden so I went to her and held her, She was passing away in my dream in my arms. I was so sad and missed her and I woke up.
R.I.P Peanut. In my dreams, I hope we see each other again. Forever in my heart and memories that never die.
I know since I got you all you did was make me happy, so I promise I'll stop crying soon. And look back at our life together with a smile. Forever wishing to relive those moments again.
---
Her ashes came in a few months later. And that's pretty much the only piece I have of her. Apparently my Grandparents decided to give away all of Peanuts toys to the veterinary and didn't even keep one for ourselves. That did really piss me off. Plus the fact that the whole cremation process lost her name tag so I don't have that to hold on to. But I've let that go. I mean I also had a cat who I miss dearly and I have absolutely nothing to hold on to from her. But still I wish I had just something of Peanut's to just maybe feel better, I don't know. But as of this day I miss her. I miss each of babies. I still do have one left though, so I'm gonna make sure I make everyday worth while with her.
------
My dog Peanut died Sunday afternoon, August, 24 2014. Its been dreadfully hard on me.
It was this year it was finally determined that she is diagnosed with Cushing's Disease. A disease where there's an over production of the cortisol hormone. The symptoms my dog has is excessive thirst and urination, potbelly, hair loss, and some muscle weakness. Before this year she was strong enough to climb up stairs and jump around. But these pass months she doesn't want to anymore. So that's fine, we pick her up. We know she's getting older. Plus her small legs and big belly. That's alot of weight to push. I started to notice more muscle loss in her rear end in the end of July and beginning of August, but my baby peanut still has so much energy. Eating almost anything outside that she can put in her mouth. And she still eating our other dog's food if she doesn't get caught.
However from late May and early June, she keeps having blood in her stool, and sometimes the most nasty diarrhea with blood in it. Constipation, and stomach pain and gas involved to. When I first saw it in the house, I worried. I worried so much because that is not good. When you google what causes bloody diarrhea, it could mean a bunch of scary things. So I wanted to take her to the vet. My family also saw this stuff. I told my aunt, the main one who pays her vet bills, we have to take her. Her bloody stool is going away. Unfortunately we didn't have enough money at the time to pay for her to go. So she has to wait.
As I research more about this problem, I sat down and think. When she goes outside she eats so much things like sticks, dirt, mulch. Its summer time. In the spring and winter, we has so much snow there was none of these things for her to get in her mouth. Its possible these sticks n mulch she's eating is tearing up her insides. The more I cleaned up her mess, the more I became frustrated. Are we going to wait too long before she can't get up? But I thought about it, the vet is very expensive. My aunt said she will take her so I decided to calm down. Still it troubles me. So far she's still her old self. But for how long?
One day maybe on the 19th of August or something, I was looking for Peanut through the house. I found her in my grandparent's room just laying down on her fours with her head down. Near her I saw a wet spot on the carpet. So I thought she peed. I went to clean it up and I saw it was brown. Now I know this isn't pee. So liquidy... did she vomit? I walked and told my grandma who was in kitchen. and peanut came out the room and laid back down. I wiped her mouth, and what came off was the same brown stuff. Ok so this made me worry even more. I know grandma didn't want to believe what it was. She thought it coulda been a tooth or whatever. But then I looked up what could brown liquid vomit mean. It could mean her stomach is causing problems or its backed up diarrhea or stool. Not good, bad signs. I was like shit.. if money is the issue let me pay for her. I'm not ready to lose my baby. And of course my grandma turned down the offer, my aunt was going to take care of it. So fine. I'm just so worried. Peanut's not eating anymore.
Next day, in the morning there was another brown liquid vomit? again. God this is not good. And she's still not eating and just acting real depressed, not wanting play. She mainly just laid down on her side. So then my aunt now was ready to take her to the vet. We took her to the vet Thursday the 21st after getting our hair done. I do not and still will not like who we have as vet. He tells us so much bullshit answers in the past. So we took her, he did a bunch of things. Importantly he xrayed her belly. Says the heart looks fine, lungs are good. Liver is big but that comes with the Cushin's. But down where her colon is, is inflamed. Basically he says its colitis. So he gave us some meds for it and some eye formula. Said to feed her rice and boiled chicken. Cool. I still didn't understand what is colitis he didn't explain (again bullshity vet). But I did my own research and colitis explains what has been happening to my baby peanut.
We been giving her the medication. I hope she was going to turn back around and feel better. Saturday I had to leave home and return back to my mom's house. The day I laid down with her for a moment, told her how much I love her and kissed her furry head. I rubbed her belly too.
Sunday the 24th I moved in back on campus, The day was ok except for my mom's stupid husband. But I was good. I met my new roommate. Then I started working on taking notes for my biochemistry class by listening to recorded lectures. Then my phone ringed. Its Grandma. I paused my lecture, and answered. She asked me how I was doing and all, if I met my roommate. I was pretty direct with my voice.. like I was just waiting for the real reason why she called. Then she told me 'enough about that I called to tell you some sad news that Peanut died a hour ago'. You know these things... these words do not hit you hard until after 3 minutes or something. At the same time I was texting my bf, and told him right after I heard this. After I got off the phone I broke down in tears. It was the hardest thing and a few hours later I called my mom. She tried to make me feel better trying to talk about other things and all. But honestly I didn't care about anything she was saying.
I lost my baby peanut. I won't be able to hear her bark, or hold her, or call out her name in crazy ways, or give her massages, or hear her snore, or see her anymore or hear her play with her squeaky toys or play with her. I always will miss everything about her. I took so much pictures of me and her during the last few weeks she was alive. God it hurts me as I even type all this. Life isn't going to be the same anymore without her. Its so fukkin sad. And my bf wishes he was here for me but you know long distance. I talked to a few people because I just couldn't stop feeling this way. Honestly I thought I could try to sleep that night. I fucking couldn't. Tears ran down my eyes and nose like rain. And that also caused me to have a big headache the whole night. I did not lie when I said I wasn't ready to lose her. I love this dog so much and I just wish she didn't have to go yet. I was hoping for 2 more years. But why god?
I don't feel like pretending I'm happy or smiling. I don't feel like saying I'm good when I know I don't have my peanut anymore. Memories flash before me. I know she had a good life... I was apart of it. But now she's gone. and my life just won't feel the same without her. Yea my family says everyone feels sad she's gone. Honestly I don't think it effected anyone as hard as it does me. I think everyone hates using past tense verbs (like was) when they have to talk about someone who means something to them so much after they pass away. I love her. She IS a good dog. Smart. Crazy. Playful. Loves kids. She IS about 11 years old. I still remember this dog diary I made when we first got her.
That night after I heard she passed away, I had a dream of her. It was like she revived and she was chowing down on the chicken we been trying to feed her for the past couple days. But as I was telling everyone in my family the dream that she came back and she's her old self again, noone was as happy as me. It was like they were telling me stop it, your dreaming.
The next night or two I had another dream of her. I saw her walking around the house and she layed down so sudden so I went to her and held her, She was passing away in my dream in my arms. I was so sad and missed her and I woke up.
R.I.P Peanut. In my dreams, I hope we see each other again. Forever in my heart and memories that never die.
I know since I got you all you did was make me happy, so I promise I'll stop crying soon. And look back at our life together with a smile. Forever wishing to relive those moments again.
---
Her ashes came in a few months later. And that's pretty much the only piece I have of her. Apparently my Grandparents decided to give away all of Peanuts toys to the veterinary and didn't even keep one for ourselves. That did really piss me off. Plus the fact that the whole cremation process lost her name tag so I don't have that to hold on to. But I've let that go. I mean I also had a cat who I miss dearly and I have absolutely nothing to hold on to from her. But still I wish I had just something of Peanut's to just maybe feel better, I don't know. But as of this day I miss her. I miss each of babies. I still do have one left though, so I'm gonna make sure I make everyday worth while with her.
Image size
640x480px 133.02 KB
Make
SONY
Model
DSC-T70
Shutter Speed
10/1000 second
Aperture
F/3.5
Focal Length
6 mm
ISO Speed
100
Date Taken
Apr 19, 2008, 3:00:29 PM
© 2015 - 2024 Luffcows
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In